Sunday, June 18, 2006

Hello darling little people!

i decided to start blogging again for like the umpteen time so that hopefully my expanded chest (don't you think otherwise, you perverts!) would be alot more stress-less. I know you guys must be thinking, oh! what's there for happy little ever-laughing abby to be unhappy and STRESSED about. boy oh boy, how wrong can you ever be?

1) i seriously think that my size and weight has seriously been an issue for me ever since like i was lets say 14? ever since the bloody P.E teacher told me i had to go to TAF club if i gained 2 more kg! my weight was like 53. and i was like 162 then already. call that overweight?! god. ballooning up during my secondary 3 and 4 years are seriously the bad, the worst and the totally wrong idea. I wouldn't call myself overweight now i guess, but on the PLUMP side okay? god. it took me my utmost womanly ego to admit that very word. look at those HOT, SEXY, ALREADY-GIVEN-BIRTH-TO-KIDS victoria secrets supermodels! how i totally wish. guess it sounds kinda bimbotic and materialistic of me but i guess, every girls' deepest wanting is to be one of those gorgeous people they'll only see on magazines and tvs and what-so-evers. just one special day. if only. i guess the basics would have to come in, less carbs, more excercise. that's what they SAY everytime. but the problem is are you game enough? i should seriously play that mental oh-the-food-sucks game, then perhaps one day i would actually make it. ahahaha. ((:

2) i feel like a clown sometimes, like a full time entertainer, perhaps all i want is to be accepted. it made me realise i never had true friends in my life. perhaps i dont know how to keep them, or maybe my loudness is too much for all of them or maybe, im just not fated to have any best friends. it's true, i have many hi-bye friends, many in which these friends, in turn, do make use of me in the past. i have been stupid, but the problem for me now, is whether this stupidness is carrying on? what chekedee said yesterday was very very true, you definately have to be selective in making your friends, to find friends that will accept you for who you are, to love you for who you are, not what you are worth and whether they can drop you when they have no use for you anymore. it's just plain sad you know. maybe i dont know how to be a good friend, maybe because of my sickening attitude. do i really need to change? people out there, please do provide me feedback. i try and try, and no matter where i go, what i do, nothing seems to be helping. im on the brink of desperation, and all that i can trust and survive on now is none other then chukinsing. (:

3) my studies have been another of my weakness in my life. i seriously CANNOT study. why oh why? someone tell me. are my brains born too slow for it to be processed? sighs. they say that everyone has a talent, but i cant seem to ever find mine. guess i have to take life the hard way then.

4) NETBALL is my passion, my life, the blood that flows in my veins, the air that i breath. Every ball that i catch and defend makes the rush of adrenaline ten times faster. it's what i do, it's what i want. but recently, every little thing that i have seen and experienced boils down to one thing : on whether i should give up on RP NETBALL. i dont wish to. but lately the feeling has been magnifying inside me. the politics, the fakeness, the cliques, the commitee and all the shit things that makes my blood boil sometimes, makes my heart aches. have i not done enough for the team? have i not compromised so many things just for netball? have i not done enough to be a good friend? have i not done enough so that i would not be taken for granted for? i know i made a mistake but must this keep going on and on? these questions keep going on and on in my head day after day. it's too tiring for me to handle anymore. I JUST WANT TO PLAY NETBALL. I DONT WANT TO EXPERIENCE SOME FREAKING PAP POLITICS DAY AFTER DAY! the pressure has become to much for me to handle, somehow it makes me feel unappreaciated. as if the pressure is not enough, the coach is another main problem. when he's nice, he's nice to us. but when he comes out with his weaknesses, there's alot of things i dont wish to mention after what happened to aizhen's blog. but i just can say, the stress has been multiplying day by day ever since he came back, for me. the new players, the trails, all boils down to one thing : i may NEVER get a chance to play in the IVP.

maybe i need to reflect and think, so i may be quiet nowadays but please understand, sometimes, even clowns, do need a break.

6:59 AM;

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ALL ABOUT ABBY (:
abigail hope wong li juan
eight-teeeen ((:
R PEE PEE
netball
purple's bweautifool
dancing'shake that thang
golden tanning oil
CHEKEDEE!*muahs
dolling up! yayness!
make-up does miracle wonders
songs that make me go oooo awwww ahhhh*
(and make me move my ass too luh!)
love my netballers to the max *muahs
clown-entertainer (((:

I-WISH-OH-I-WISH*
i-pod nano video black (2G)
halter top from PARIS (black roses etched to a soft silky grenny material)
new handphone! (SAMSUNG!)
davidoff the game..(magically scented)
shopping sprees in australia and japan!
new basketball shoes for baby! (nike - sliver and white!HOT!)
new digital camera from olympus
my driving licence! ((:
to be as hot a jessica biel(yeah, as if)

SO YESTERDAY
CHUMMIES <3
MJ(:

FAIZA'IZZA

AIZHEN(:

SOPHIE'LOVE

MIKE'YO,SUP

VANNYWANNY(:

TERRENCE'RUGGER

KYLIE

JASMINE'NETBALLER

LYDIA'NETBALLER

SHOUT IT OUT!