and so, to expect what's left of me

Friday, June 23, 2006

joey's last blog entry was so freaking sad and true. that i HAD to continue about the phrase " maybe we should treat everyday as the last day of our lives, then perhaps we would cherish every single moment of our time left together." that's why, i have finally decided on what i want to talk about. the joy, the pain, the bittersweet, the major essentials of life - L.O.V.E

what is love? why does love hurt? why does love bring such a big smily grin to my face? why does it sting my heart right to the very core? why does it make my heart skip a beat? but most essentially, why must love begin in the first place?
"Love is gentle, Love is kind. It does not envy,It's slow to anger. It does not seek to have her way, BUT it knows how to give. It does not envy, Is quick to cherish. (It does not tally, is full of mercy) Love never fails, bears all things, believes all things. Love never fails, hopes all things, endures all things.If there's knowledge and prophecies. Or spoken tongues of Angels, they shall cease. Love is gentle, Love is kind. Love never fails." just a little passage which i would use in my words to describe love, those words can all be found in the bible. to me, they're full of meaning to the word love. BUT, i also believe that if you want to love someone, you must start by loving yourself at the very beginning. it is then, you can have the power to love another.

i guess that relationships nowadays are so so so fickle. i guess alot of relationships like that start out when you're in secondary schools. i mean i used to know loads and loads of girls who are eager to find their 'love' in secondary schools when most of the guys have reached puberty and even know how to start taking care of themselves. im not trying to say that all secondary school peeps are like that. but it's the majority. i used to be like that too. i see these girls looking for their perfect someone at such a young age, it really really confuses me now. just because a guy comes along with a crush for an unsuspecting girl, the girl would be all flattered that a guy has a crush on her and oh, there goes, another couple is out on the loose. then people will be talking about them for like the next 2 months?, and when the commotion has died down, they would then snap!, just like that. end of relationship. is that love? do you seriously think that is love? something so innocent and pure, to be misled by others that that senario was LOVE? nah. that was nothing but a schoolboy and schoolgirl crush.

that's the world nowadays i guess, everything is taken granted for. even love. people do not appreaciate what is the real meaning of love. they just say love because it seems like the right thing to say. i can safely say that almost everyone in the world wants to find true love. but do they understand that it takes two hands to clap, alot of responsiblity, alot of qurraels, alot of conflicts, alot of friction, alot of giving in, commitment, trust and more to come, just to maintain love. all the more about marriage?

for myself, i can say that im just beginning to understand the true meaning of love. i used to think, oh, a relationship mah! nothing much. just i love you and you love me. but i have come to terms that love is a much much much more bigger thing then what i have expected in my naive past. true undying love refers to how christ died for us on the cross, just because simply, he loves you, even though he didnt even know what your name was, how old you were, how tall are you, he died because he loves you. that's it. simply cause of love. so we must in turn reprocicrate his undying love for us, to show we appreaciate what he has done for us and we have love to offer back to him.

i love chu kinsing with all my heart. i know you guys may think that our relationship is too controlling and everything. but to me, i understand the reasons why he's doing all these things for me, and for us. yes it's true, he is protective and assertive most of the time. but why? have you ever thought why? because simply he loves me. i know he does. i believe he does. if he doesn't, he wouldn't even bother what i do, what i say, and how i present myself. he cares thats why he bothers. if you dont love somthing, would you even be bothered by it? he calls me 4-5 times a day cause he wants to know what im doing, or how i am feeling at that point of time, and whether i have already eaten or have i drank enough water for the day? small actions like that really shows the true meaning of love. we fight cause we have different opinions of things in life but at the end, we would hug and understand each other deeper. this is his way of showing his love. he is really trying to change, he really wants to change that nasty temper of his, but hey, no one is perfect. even me. im totally not perfect. that's why im learning my mistakes bit by bit to pick myself up. i love you chu kinsing. i can say it with the true meaning now and always. ((:

i told him i was afraid of falling, and he whispered in my ear. . . "don't worry i have wings". ((:

10:10 AM;

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